Falstaff? Not.

by | Feb 12, 2021

How did I choose an overweight, flawed, and boastful character from the Bard for today’s weblog?

Well, February IS Heart Health Awareness Month.  Though Sir John Falstaff fell in battle; he likely would have died prematurely from clustered Metabolic Syndrome (MetS) effects or Cardiovascular problems if a battle hadn’t taken him to his fictional grave at Agincourt.  And, our tickers’ pumping of oxygen and nutrients to certain male and female body parts is plainly sexual health, or what our World Health Organization (WHO) cites as “an integral part of our overall health, well being and quality of life.”

If you don’t think that the name of this supporting actor is a play on words – consider some Falstaff bawdy-sounding associates:

  • Ancient Pistol (his sidekick)
  • Mistress Nell Quickly (from our world’s oldest profession), and
  • Miss Doll Tearsheet…

Guys – what about ancient pistols?  Or flagging mast? Fallen staff? Or that dreaded acronym “ED” for age-related erectile dysfunction?

Bear with me as I cite a book title that rhymes with venus or genus… by Urologist Aaron Spitz, who shares facts about Flags and Blood flow in an 11-minute segment of ED 101. Erector sets decrease steadily with age IF a boomer doesn’t work naturally and diet well to improve his blood flow to erogenous zones.

‘Tis sad yet true that ED increases with age – at about a 10% statistical increase per decade after males’ middle ages. Thus, by age 70, about 70% of the male population experiences chronic ED.

Might there be a holy grail for sexual super-aging without enduring injections, implants, or pumps?  Millions of men can certainly hope so. Dr. Spitz cites a pilot study for mice and men taking the natural “neuroceutical” Revactin. Time may tell if this compound is safe and effective…

One of this compound’s natural ingredients is L-Citrulline, which athletes like me take as supplements for increased blood flow and increased levels of Nitric Oxide. Somme who can tolerate Beet Juice and Spinach may eat these Vitamin “Ps” for similar gains.

What foods have good quantities of L-Citrulline?

Cucumbers do – honest.Credit: giphy

And watermelons. And, as mentioned – beets.

Let’s review those five root causes of fallen staffs:

  1. Narrowed arteries: if you believe in early warning signs, ED may actually be a lifesaver if you act before a cardiac event or stroke occurs!
  2. Lower sensitivity, thus more stimulation may be warranted before carnal knowledge can be found.
  3. ADAM – remember manopause caused by lowered testosterone [T] levels?  We acknowledged and considered ADAM in an important KABOOMER appendix… ADAM is the acronym for Androgen Deficiency in the Aging Male.
  4. Oxidative Damage from poor diet, stress, environmental toxins, or even exercise. Bodily capacity to produce Nitric Oxide (the good “NO”) decreases with age, converse to accumulated increases in free radical damage.
  5. Excessive drug use or alcohol consumption.

Quoting Appendix C of KABOOMER:

“Testosterone or “T” is an organic chemical messenger
(C19H28O2) with just carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen. Nothing
too sexy about those elements?! This controller is generated
by male testes or by female ovaries, plus adrenal glands for
all. Unless an abnormal factor arises, all of us should produce
“T” until we stop breathing, though in diminished levels
as we age. Testosterone is hopefully, and naturally, present
in the right concentrations for both men and women who wish
to maintain and build skeletal muscle, and to support red blood cell production.

And to churn butter better, bandicoot,
belly-bump (for one position), or better dance in the sheets.
Remember Mr. T on television’s A-Team? Well, the real Mr. T
as a KABOOMER suggests that we “Pity the Fool” who doesn’t
work naturally to boost his or her T. This alphabet letter T is
key to the livelihood of both genders. Yup…

Takeaway? Resistance training (with diet and sleep) can offset
andropause effects on us … Lift. Work. Sinews. Vigor.
Viagra may not be necessary if you hit the weights, eat clean,
and rest!”

Dr. Spitz asserts that “it’s never too late.”  KABOOM.

Gents: Please don’t emulate Falstaff, who try as he might, didn’t please two ladies in Merry Maids of Windsor.

Stay lean and fit to please your bandicoot partner for far longer than your peers.

No Ancient Pistols!





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